is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
