I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
