I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Randomize
