Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You took a bar mat shot.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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