I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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