i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
