I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Randomize
