were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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