You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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