she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
FUCK WHALES
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
