I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
