He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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