sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
