i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're a disaster
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