I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
