I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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