the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
