so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize