I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
