So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
