I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
