i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
