You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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