Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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