Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
