it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
