I wish I could teleport
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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