that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
