life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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