I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What a dumb baby whore.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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