He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
