So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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