she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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