she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
