I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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