Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
