I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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