it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
