I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
