mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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