ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
