Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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