I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
