and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
