My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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