I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize