did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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