Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
