It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
