do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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