That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
