It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
