I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
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