Don't make out with my wife yet
We named our party play list daddy issues
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
