It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
