i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
