i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Holy shit dude........stairs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
