so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he was CRYING into my vagina
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize