so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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