i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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