I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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