I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
