I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
