508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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