u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
