This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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