I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
