Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
