She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dicks are not precious.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
