I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
