my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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