I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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