where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
