why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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