did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
